im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
