haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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