I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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