You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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