It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
