there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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