I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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