I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
