I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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