hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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