Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
