I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
