Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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