I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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