Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
