what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
