I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize