So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
