It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
