There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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