Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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