That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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