And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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