PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
