just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The ass gains better be worth it
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