I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
