It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize