I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
