nut hugger
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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