Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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