Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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