I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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