My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
