Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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