also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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