It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize