I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
