My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
