she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just invented taco cereal.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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