why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
