Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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