I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
