Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
