What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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