I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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