You're my little dorito
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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