Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
