there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
