remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
