I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
