Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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