I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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