that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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