totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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