Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
