it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
