this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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