We're like a lot better than the average bears
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize