I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize