did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
