At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
