So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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