Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
