Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
