my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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