Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
