You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
