While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
