I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Screwed.edu
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
