I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
