I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
