Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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