If that was your dad, he is hot
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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