Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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